Time

Well we are slowly but surely getting it all done...had to fill out some new paperwork since the previous one's had expired. Just finished up with tb testing for the guys. Remaining papers should be ready by Thurs. I think that will be it....unless of course we've missed something!
I'll have to be honest there are days I get really discouraged. I think is this ever going to happen? Is it all just a wasted effort? We've been doing this for so long it seems....Then my heart reminds me, "She is yours." God placed it on my heart, our family is in agreement, so I know that He will fulfill His every promise. We can't give up. I don't want to give up...I just want it to BE ALREADY. You know what I mean? I guess it has a lot to do with that whole control thing....usually I have a plan. Usually I'm busy working it and this not so much...There really can't be a set plan when God is in the driver's seat.

Take for instance the physical healing of my heart. We prayed and prayed for healing. Praise God it came. Not only did it come but He healed my heart completely. Not just the electrical issue and the heart failure but he healed the 3 valves I was having problems with, too. See those hadn't even been addressed, they were too concerned with the other. Then here comes God and what does He do but do excedingly more than what we could have ever imagined. I believe that is what He will do with the adoption process too, but it's just taking much more longer than I anticipated! LOL!!! But you know, I'm thankful. I really am. I am so thankful for His amazing grace and mercy. Even when I question Him. He remains Sovereign.

So we will wait and continue to praise Him. So with joy and hope I will stand firm in knowing my God is there. He's making the paths straight and preparing the way. He is a God of right on time. She will be with us right on time. His time.

Waiting

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I choose faith, Lord.

Let it Rain...for I know who Reigns!

Let it rain, Lord.
Let it pour.
For I know the God that sends the sunshine sends the rain.
The rain doesn't bother me anymore. It used to.
I'd pray for the rain to stop.
I can't take anymore rain, Lord- I'd cry.
I pray for the rain now.
Lord bring on the rain!
With the rain there comes cleansing.
With the rain I grow closer to my God.
Thank you Lord for the rain.
Let it rain....for I know who Reigns!

Final Homestudy visit

Well, I thought this day would never come...OK I really did think it would but boy did it seem cloudy at times. Once diagnosed with all this heart stuff adoption plans seemed to fall by the wayside. But, the dream and hope was still always there.

See I knew I would be healed from this heart condition. I knew that I would be off every bit of medication. Didn't know when, didn't know exactly how but I knew. So many folks would question me...It's amazing how negative folks can be sometimes. Not on purpose, then again some may have been.... I'll choose to think the first. Anyway, I would claim healing every day. God promises me that. Jesus Christ did not die on that cross, He did not suffer, He did not bleed for any of us to live a mediocre life, filled with sickness and disease. Nor does He want us to accept anything but a full abundant life He promised.

So hope....I guess that's what I had. Some say well you just hoped in your mind. Like that hope that maybe just maybe you will get exactly what you asked for at Christmas but you'd be ok with whatever you get...No, this hope is so much more...It's the eternal hope and belief that what God says, He will do. Maybe not on our time frame, maybe not how we wanted but He will do it. So many of us give up before he can finish His work. Would I have maintained this same hope even if I wouldn't have been healed, I would have to say yes, at this time. It's been the longest 8 months of my life...Who really knows....But I do know that little by little, even before I got sick. He had begun to show me in my faith walk, that He wants to be good to us. We want it now though and He's not so much now as He is Perfect. So His timing is always perfect.

I know that what happened to me had a purpose. If only that I could help someone go through their trial and come out with victory. If he has the ability to save us from our sins. That is mercy and grace our suffient. Why would we not accept His complete healing? That we would walk that walk of faith. That we would know without reservation He bore it all. So hope is eternal. Without hope in Him, we have nothing. Cause this world offers us nothing.

Final homestudy you are welcomed. God I trust in your perfect timing. My hope rest in You alone. You are longing to give us the desires of our heart. Let us wait patiently and know that with You all things are possible.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Try it out in the little stuff. Give Him a chance. Wait, believe, trust. Hope.

Is your hairdryer broke?

Getting ready this morning, I was up listening to some bluegrass. It was all going good UNTIL I go to dry my hair and my hairdryer is broke! OH NO! It's blowing out air- COLD AIR- so it's pretty safe to say that it isn't going to be quite enough to get my hair dryed before end of day! You have to understand my hair is not even close to wash and wear. So I start recalling who used the hairdryer last...CLINTON..."Clinton was this hairdryer working yesterday when you used it....cause when I used it yesterday it was working!" "It was blowing out cold air," he states. "Cold air...why didn't you tell me..." I could have picked up a new one yesterday...now I can't get ready...great, just great...", I replied. So I stormed to my closet hung up my clothes and put my jammies back on. "I'll just not go!" Do I sound like a whiney or what??!!



So I walk into the living room ready to pout for the rest of the day...and God starts working on me..."Paige, do you really think it matters how you look or what you are wearing? Why are you letting something so minor disrupt your whole morning..your whole atttitude. You have a choice. What example are you setting your for your children?" Life is full of "broken hairdryers" Is this how you are going to respond to all of them?" Needless to say, it's been exactly how I've responded...most of the time.



See I like things to go my way. It's nice when it all runs smoothly without any glitches. But day after day the Lord is showing me...Things happen! Sometimes "hairdryers break!" It's your choice as to how you respond. Your choice to take something bad and turn it for His good.


So today I choose to deal with my "broke hairdryers" and realize that I have a choice and the devil will do anything to steal our joy. Big, little it doesn't matter.

All I can say is UMM.

I stood in her room tonight. As I shut the blinds, I just say out loud, "It's so much more than a pink bedroom and a sign that says, "Expect a Miracle." Where did that come from??....I think it's just a small reminder that this is all about Him. Man, it's hard to walk out your faith. I can't imagine how Noah felt when God said, "Build an ark." Or how about when God told Abraham and Sarah they were expecting at like 100 years old....Or when he put the desire in David to fight Goliath. I'm sure more than a few folks thought they were NUTS! I wonder if fear set in and they doubted God. I wonder if in there quiet time alone with Him, did they ask, "Is this really going to happen?" What did it take for them to believe and trust Him? Maybe it's about a hope that is so much bigger than ourselves.

I used to think I could do about anything, if I set my mind to it. I worked hard, tried to always go over and beyond and believed most of the time if I didn't know an answer, I could find it. Oh how things have changed. I can't do anything. I don't know anything. So it's pretty safe to say without Him, I am nothing. I really can't remember how it was without needing Him. Though I know I went a long time that way.....I never want to go back to it again. It's scary the decisions and plans I made on my own. Boy, who did I think I was?

So today, I stand in awe of just how amazing He is. He's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Even when it seems like there is no end in sight. God holds it all in His hands. Why is it so hard for us to believe in Him for everything? He created the world. You look at a tree. It's beautiful standing there. Strong, big and the amazing transformation of the colors of its leaves are just a few things that stand out. Think about how far the root system goes, think about how the little seedling grew into the mighty tree it is. God did that. He knew it needed a seed, He knew it would need a strong root system to support the massiveness it would become. So if He created it and planned every little detail all the way down to the seed. Don't you think He cares about every detail of our life. Each decision, each desire. He knows it all. Trust in Him. You are His seed. Continue to be watered by His word. Though you may sway like the tree in the storm rest assure you will not fall if you are deeply rooted in Him.

God is good all the time.

Thoughts...

So today I'm driving down the road and I just start tearing up. I think it's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of my belief in something that I can't see. My faith is strong in Christ Jesus. He's delivered me from so much. He takes care of me and my family. I fail Him terribly at times but I know He is always there waiting on me. I get mad at myself because I let doubt set in and start questioning the whole adoption thing.

I really want to just go get the loan, go and do it and be done. We know we want to adopt, we know we want a little girl, we know we are ready. So, what's the problem? The problem is "me". See so many times I've taken over, I've made it happen or did it like I thought it should be and then "it's a mess...." I spend days sometimes months or years looking back thinking why didn't I pray and let God move. See I want what I want, NOW! Maybe you are the same way...I don't know.

I have to remember to God a day is a year and a year is a day. So I pray I can stay on God's clock. I pray that I look and see that only a moment has passed and any moment His glory will be revealed. I get excited, I get anxious sometimes....because I know that in the end, I'll want to shout from the rooftop...LOOK WHAT GOD DID!!! I get that way sometimes with just my personal deliverance. Sharing with folks about his unfailing Love and how He chose us, it was never about us or what we can do for Him. He's such an Awesome God.

So for now, I won't pay attention to the days that go by until we get her. I will stand confident knowing with God's timing all is perfect.