Thoughts...

So today I'm driving down the road and I just start tearing up. I think it's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of my belief in something that I can't see. My faith is strong in Christ Jesus. He's delivered me from so much. He takes care of me and my family. I fail Him terribly at times but I know He is always there waiting on me. I get mad at myself because I let doubt set in and start questioning the whole adoption thing.

I really want to just go get the loan, go and do it and be done. We know we want to adopt, we know we want a little girl, we know we are ready. So, what's the problem? The problem is "me". See so many times I've taken over, I've made it happen or did it like I thought it should be and then "it's a mess...." I spend days sometimes months or years looking back thinking why didn't I pray and let God move. See I want what I want, NOW! Maybe you are the same way...I don't know.

I have to remember to God a day is a year and a year is a day. So I pray I can stay on God's clock. I pray that I look and see that only a moment has passed and any moment His glory will be revealed. I get excited, I get anxious sometimes....because I know that in the end, I'll want to shout from the rooftop...LOOK WHAT GOD DID!!! I get that way sometimes with just my personal deliverance. Sharing with folks about his unfailing Love and how He chose us, it was never about us or what we can do for Him. He's such an Awesome God.

So for now, I won't pay attention to the days that go by until we get her. I will stand confident knowing with God's timing all is perfect.