Mother's Day 2008

I've waited for the words to describe Mother's Day 2008. Not even sure if there are words to completely describe what happened- maybe "Spirit filled, Spirit driven". If that even does it justice.

Saturday evening (Mother's Day eve) I lie in bed crying...I find myself doing that quite often, here lately. The cry this time was not a sad cry...it's just that cry out to Jesus. Sad, happy, fearful, faith filled, I cry with it all! It's one of those You are amazing God, I am so weak!! Anyway, there was complete and udder surrender to Him that night!

As mentioned in a previous blog, we are probably over thinking this whole thing (domestic or international) and it's hard not to do that when that's what you are used to doing. I've even questioned is this what we are supposed to do, why am I feeling so confused? What he told me that night was the only thing he requires of me is to have faith. Listen and be ready, He says. Sleep came pretty quickly and then we awoke to a beautiful Mother's Day. Isn't it amazing the wonderful peace He can offer when we just receive it.

Sunday morning....the boys and I walked in to see my mother in law sitting there waiting for us at church. Praise God for that miracle. Totally unexpected! But very thankful. She said she just really felt like she needed to come that day. Boy, am I glad she listened. Kevin had a very inspiring Martha/Mary sermon. Why must he preach to me each and every time! But you know what, I am so thankful he does. From this Martha to a Mary wanna be....his lesson spoke wonders to the fact that it's ok to just be, to just be there at the foot of Jesus. Doing good things is not a bad thing but sometimes "doing" can get in the way of what God has intended for us.

So after the lesson Kevin has all the mom's go up to get a rose and he asks if anyone has anything to say. Well, my friend Eva steps up and as soon as she started speaking, I felt God's hands wrap around me. The more she spoke the more I cried, I don't even remember all she said- the only thing I remember is the fact that God was right there. Eva's words were God's words. She told her story of when Terry Duffy had asked if anyone wanted to have a baby back many Mother Day's ago. Eva was trying to get pregnant but no luck. Jon raised his hand for Eva and at that point the church then prayed for her. Not long after that, did she get the news that she was expecting.

Eva said that God told her she was to get up and tell this story again. She had told it about 7 years ago but she was to tell it once more. As she finished speaking she said I'm sure there is someone here right now that wants a baby more than anything. As you can imagine, tears at that point were the size of golf balls. She looked at me and said, "Paige"....the tears were flowing like a river at that point. God is good- so, so good !!! Another young mother stepped up, as well and at that point Kevin began to pray. That peace came all over me, you know the peace that passes all understanding....that was it! Boy, am I so glad that Eva didn't deny Him that morning! I think back to some of the times that I've denied Him and think oh my goodness that same comfort that Eva gave to me that morning could have been provided to someone else. Lesson learned.

Don't deny Him- even when you don't know what your doing, He knows, he prompts us and we should let our ego our fear of judgment fall to the wayside and just do it..... Eva had no idea about my cry out to Jesus Sat. night. but God heard my cry and he answered. There is no doubt in my mind that Eva was used according to His purpose that morning! Praise God! I didn't expect Mother's Day to be such a blessing. Thank you Lord for Eva and for my church family.

From a "once take it all on, I can do it, independent gal".....to a "complete surrender, I am nothing without You, pray for me, help me Lord convert"- Thank you Jesus.....Thank you for your complete Sovereignty.

Clinton didn't get to make the church service that day and boy I couldn't wait to tell Him every detail. He didn't act surprised. Sometimes I think God is telling Him something he's not telling me! He's my Rock many times, most times. He was disappointed not being there but by his words and his calm confidence, I knew he felt God, too.

Thank you Jesus for giving us that peace. Remove any doubt in our minds and fill it with your complete peace. We choose to receive exactly what you have promised...peace...What a powerful word. Let us wake up everyday with that power that you have given us. The peace that should flow from every pore. The joy of waiting on His plan. Lord bless each and every person that reads this with the peace that passes all understanding. My prayer is that everyone experience your love right now as they read this and feel your presence in any circumstance they may be going through.

God is good.

Did I say there was paperwork??!!

Didn't quite realize exactly how much paperwork there was with this whole thing until I had it all lying out there in front of me this morning. There was lots of talk about how much there was and now that I'm diving into it all it's become quite overwhelming! I'm having to bite a little off at a time because there is no way I could look at it all at once and think I could get it accomplished. Kinda like when we clean the house, we just have to look at 1 room at a time......


I know that God would not put this on our hearts if he wasn't planning on providing us everything we need to get through it. Mentally, financially and physically. It's hard to see that all right now because I need someone to come up with mine and Clinton's autobiographical statements from birth to now. (that's a long time...) Copies of driver's license, medical releases, just tons of STUFF! But I believe God will provide me with all the strength and time to get it done.


I'm actually an information junkie, I love implementing and executing a plan, paperwork, stuff like that...ok, that just sounds so not right....but anyway. Usually this type of stuff doesn't bother me...or at least when I'm doing someone else's stuff but when it's mine...it's hard. Maybe because the only person I'm accountable to is myself. Have you ever done that? Let something slide because it's just "you". I DO ALL THE TIME!! Today I choose to be accountable because God calls us each to do things. We have to be obedient. He didn't say this was going to be easy but is anything easy that really test our faith? We wouldn't grow in faith if it was easy. Because we'd think oh I did this...or I did that. This thing is going to have to take God! I'm learning all things take God! Big and small. I can't just sit around talking about it or figuring out something else to do for someone so I don't have to do "my stuff", or continue to complain about all it's going to take. Like Nike says, "Just do it!"


God give us the strength to do this paperwork, give us the fortitude to get it all done. Let us use the gifts you have given to us to do what you have called us to do. We need your strength because only you alone can help us "tackle" these mounds of papers!


God is good.

Going up the Hill!

Well, I set out today to go to the post office and run right back home. As I'm going down the road, the truck dies. I make the decision to let it coast down Broadway thinking I might make it to White Oak but mid coast I realize White Oak doesn't have diesel. So I try swinging into the Fire Dept. but end up in the grass off to the side. Just for future reference, vehicles like gas and gas usually helps them run.....in case there are any of you out there that haven't figured that out, such as myself!

Why you ask am I telling you this story. Well, as I'm walking up Broadway Hill back to our house (which is located at te very top of the hill mind you) God says, "Paige, you are going to have to get prepared. You can't expect me to do it all." Then it all comes to light this little incovenience.....of walking up the hill. I realize that oh my goodness...it would have been so much easier if I would have had tennis shoes on...flip flops are not the greatest thing to walk in. (Boy the sides of my calves started to burn.) Then I realized oh my goodness....I didn't brush my teeth, put deodorant or put any make up on (if any of you know me, I like to have my make up on when I go to town ...really not so much for me but just to spare you all :) ) Anyway, here I am walking up Broadway not too happy with the whole situation but grinning because God is speaking to me. Funny how he does that, using these types of situations, for you to really think and listen! I realized that I had been procastinating....not completely getting what I need to get done, done. I was planning on "walking up Broadway" and hadn't prepared. I didn't wear tennis shoes and you all know you should probably wear tennis shoes if you are planning a long walk. I didn't brush my teeth that would have come in real handy if anyone would have drove by (did I mention not one car drove up the street as I was walking up it! Where are all the people??? I thought....) Makeup and deodorant, well as much as that's not a real necessity, I do like to go out and not scare everyone, not too big of a deal since there was no one! :)

What I'm getting at is we are wanting to adopt but all we are doing is praying (that's not a bad thing) but we are waiting for God and he's not going to do it all for us. One thing I did realize was that he will provide you with lots....like today....it was overcast, boy would I have been ticked if it was sunny and hot...it was breezy, that made it nice when I begin to feel like the oxygen was being cut off at my throat! So he will help out with the overall picture but he expects us to do our part. Getting prepared, doing what you know you need to do.

As I topped the hill and was at the home stretch, I almost felt like I could run (ok, I won't go overboard, maybe a swift jog). The joy of making it to the top, to the finish. He then says,"I'll get you to the end just do what you need to do though...." God is good. He shows that to me daily even when he makes me walk up Broadway Hill not prepared!

Home Study #2

The trip to Little Rock was great. Clinton and I visited with Bill and Ardele for a few minutes and then Clinton went with Bill and I with Ardele. Lots of questions and reflection. Some of the questions hit real close to home, more so much for myself, being most in part of me being adopted. Lots of memories and feelings brought to light that I had tucked away nice and neat in the back of mind because they were a little too messy for me to have to deal with. It was good....

One of the questions that were asked was how the boys were with the idea of adoption. Did they even have a choice of bringing a "little one" into our family? Our boys have been two of the most inspirational people to us through this whole process. Their faith, reselence, joy and just overall openess to change. Because it will be a change. Seth and I visited the other night on the couch, he was lying in my arms (man I'm so glad he still likes to do that) and I said you know you're not going to be the baby in the family anymore but you know you'll always be mommy's baby boy. He looks up at me with that freckled face and sweet grin and goes "that's ok mom, I get to be a big brother!" Amazing...amazing how children can be so open to change. Austin and I were visiting at the dinner table the other night, Clinton and I were talking about the domestic or international, I wanted a plan...we had to have a plan. We were trying to figure out the whole "which way should we go" Austin goes "open both doors...." I'm sure he's heard us talk about all this and the possibilities of all the avenues of adopting but for him to care enough, to be concerned enough, to listen plus actually give a suggestion. That's amazing.

Both the boys have been an active part in the whole process, really for the past 6 years. We've been discussing this with them as soon as we started exploring the possibility. I've learned a lot from them in this. Sometimes I wonder about the timing why it's now, why it's so clear it's now....it's hard not to think that God waited for my two boys to be a little older so they could be a support for us. Their faith. You know they've not been beat down by this world as much as us. They still have that can do, get on with it attitude. Thank you God for my boys. Thank you for blessing me beyond measure.

God is good. His blessings are overflowing everyday. Pay attention to your children, your friends....God has placed them in your life so you can be uplifted and refreshed. It's almost like Him speaking to you through them. Another post soon about God, and friends, and Him speaking to you in the next few days.....I'm waiting for the right words about a Spirit moving experience. God bless each of you!

"Storms"

Isn't it amazing how the sun can be shining, birds chirping and not a cloud in the sky- then all of a sudden a storm pops up, out of nowhere. Gradually, the sky darkens, the wind begins to blow and the rain pours. Storms- they can just pop up out of the blue when it seems like everything is going great.


The "storms" that show up in our lives are just as quick to come in as the ones that cloud the clear blue sky. Within just a few minutes, the car windows you had rolled down as you were enjoying the breeze in your hair, need to be frantically rolled up because the wind begins to blow the rain in. The chair that you were sitting in under the tree as you read your book, has to be quickly put in the garage or it will blow across the road. Haven't we had those days where you were going right along ...enjoying your life, your family, your job and then boom...something happens...the clouds roll in- with fear and uncertainty. That jolt of thunder- your child has problems at school and you can't bear to see his heart hurting. Clash the streak of lighting- brings you to face a sudden death of a friend or a family member. Rain...the downpour- a business that you have built just begins to be washed away.

It happens those "storms" but what we do during the storm is as important as the joy we have when things are going great, with no problems, no questions...just happiness. That's easy- being happy when things are going great. But the true test, the true blessing is to praise Him during the storm. Sometimes we wonder why bad things happen to good people. We may question why we are having to go through a difficult time. It's even hard not to get mad at God. We can get mad, we can sit in self pity but He never leaves us. He'll be there once the storm passes, he'll even be there during the storm, if we look to Him. Knowing He alone can be the great Comforter.


My mind goes back to the story of Jesus and the disciples as they cross the the lake. All the disciples reacting to the storm that popped up, how they didn't know what to do...how they were concerned that they would die.....as they just let Jesus lie there. It wasn't until they woke Him and asked Him to help them that he was able to calm the sea. God remind me to ask.....Remind me to praise you during the storm. That with those "storms" bring endurance, perseverance, humilty....character....You say you will never leave us, or forsake us. It is written, do not be afraid for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Let me not be afraid. Let me grow in my faith.

Words from one of my favorite songs...I was sure by now that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day, but once again I say Amen and it's still raining. And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain, I am with you. And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in the storm and I will lift my hands. You are who you no matter where I am.

God is good. "Rejoice in the good things the Lord your God has given to you...."Deuteronomy 26:11.

As you can probably tell by my entry....the "storms" of life are clouding our view. But we rest in Him and look to Him. As we begin this journey, storms roll in but we rest in the blessed assurance that God is with us. We will be traveling to Little Rock Monday for the 2nd part of the home study. I've been working on mounds of paper work the last couple of days. We are still not sure as to go forward with the international adoption or the domestic or both...We really feel like domestic could be an option but I think my problem is the uncertainty. It's like with the international adoption it seems more "controllable". If really anything we do is really controlled? I think that's my problem...needing to make a plan...when the only plan is His. Please continue to pray for us, that we look to Him for the wisdom rather than trying to figure it out for ourselves! God bless each of you. Thank you for your prayers.

Waiting on the Lord

Waiting....what a word! Not too common in this world of convienience- of the instant gratification fix. Our world has turned in to an "instant fix" for about any problem or need a person may have. Cell phones, voice mail, instant messaging.....We've become so accustom to getting what we want when we want that we have lost the "ancient art" of waiting.

Grant it, it's great that you can drive by the local McDonald's- in an out in less than 5 mins.- and a meal for the whole family. Boy, I've been thankful for that some evenings!! Cell phones, those come in handy too especially when you forgot to put milk on the list and your able to get that call in and then enjoy milk with those cookies. But if you think about, it's kinda turned us into a bunch of impatient, gratification seekers. So when it's time to make a decision about something big we tend to want to know the answer NOW! The Spirit will prompt you, He is there with us all the time we just have to "choose" to listen. Then you've got the answer.....oh my.....that's a whole 'nother can of worms....sometimes that answer is something that doesn't quite go along with "our plans". Then what do we do??? More on that later....

Ultimatley, isn't it all about "choices" choosing patience over the instant fix. Choosing peace over the craziness we sometimes turn our lives into. Choosing love instead of the judgment that comes so easy. The Bible says, that we have the fruits of the Spirit. We have them. We don't have to go and get them, it's not some mystical equation, it's not even something we have to wait for....each and every one of them are given to us freely. If we embrace each of them, the waiting we need to do isn't so hard.

So today why don't we all choose to "wait upon the Lord". Why don't we choose to receive the patience He says we have and with that we can be confident knowing that His glory will be revealed. Now that's amazing....and pretty easy if you think about it.

Father, may we all choose to wait upon your plan. Give us the confidence to understand that you alone know our steps. We pray that with faith, with the trust in you alone, we come to fully understand how AWESOME you are. Work in each of our lives so we may have the abundant, over flowing joy you offer!

Now get ready.....because if you listen- you'll hear!

Questions?????

Well I knew there would be questions along the way but I didn't anticipate this particular question. Where should we adopt from? We thought it was so cut and dry with the international adoption. Then the adoption process through the State was presented in a different light so now it's like- What are we supposed to do???

Of course ,I want it to just happen....like tomorrow....but I know that's not possible. Even a normal "pregnancy" takes 9 months! Somehow I wish there was a little book with the plan laid out nice and neat for us. That our little "angel" was here and that we had to do this and this and this and then go get her. Not so easy. Boy, does God know how to really try and test your faith your ability to completly trust in Him alone. We are hanging out here on a limb and it just seems like we are uncertain now. I don't want to be like Sarah and take it over and go out and mess things all up! I'm not going to do that...I'm not going to take it over. I wish that He would just send us a bright flashing neon sign saying this is the way your to go....why can't he do that? No really, we know it will all be revealed. We've waited 6 years to do this, so what's a little more time in making sure we are doing His will.....

God is good.

For those of you that may read this. Please pray for us as we begin this journey.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

God please let us wait for you. May we wait for you, then soar to the heights that you have waiting for us. Give us strength for the day that you say the time is now. Let us walk by your side and know that you are our strength. For you alone are Almighty.

Home Study Visit #1

Garage Sale day #2, Home Study visit day #1!! Busy day today! The garage sale went well. We raised about $250. It was a unique day today. Mom showed up to help out with the garage sale knowing that the Barling's would be here to do the walk through. So she comes in and barely gets her coat off and says she has to say something....that there has to be a baby out there for us in the states. A doctor, DHS, family friend, something! that would allow us to adopt here and not go abroad. I tell her we've looked a lot of that and it seems as difficult to do that than it is for international and that babies through DHS are hard to come by- or at least that is what we've heard. So we start talking about money, when and what we need to get in order. Then out of the blue a friend and relative of mine show up to look at the garage sale. I had heard the friend and his wife had just adopted a little girl and asked him about it. They did it through the foster/adopt system in Arkansas. It made me think. There was lots he said that just really was inspiring and to know that it is possible to get a baby and the fact that you don't have to give it back. Adopting through DHS was something we vaguely looked at because we had heard some terrible stories as to the whole process.

So now it's like- Lord we know that you are here to guide us. We are looking to you for wisdom and discernment. I know I've went too many years just throwing things to circumstance or possibly not even recognizing these things. This encounters, phone calls, visits from people you've not seen in a while, all that....But it's hard not to think that God didn't send him to my house today. Out of all days. The day that we dive right in to the whole process. So with that, my mind begin to wonder. Clinton seems to think it's God's answer to the fact that now he might not have to fly across the world to get a baby!! (Did I mention he's never flown in a plane, nor has any desire to fly in a plane??!!) All I know is that God has a plan. I just want to make sure that we do exactly what he calls us to do.

The home study meeting went great. The Barling's are wonderful people. It was a very exciting day to get this first item on the very long list of things to do- checked off. Lots of paperwork to still complete just for the home study. Austin didn't have much to say, could have something to do with the fact, he was up till 2 this morning at the Baxter Co. Relay for Life. Seth was is usual loving, talkitive self. He was very inquisitive about the whole thing.

It was a good day. Just anxious to get to praying and waiting for an answer from the Big Guy, as to what we are to do. We've taken that step in faith. We believe God will reveal His plan. So now it's just that patience thing. We are ready to receive His guidance as to what to do. Many years ago, I would have probably taken over by now. Boy, it's so nice to not have to worry about that anymore. To really feel at peace about waiting and believing.

Philippians 4:6-7 - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." How great is that!!

God is good!!