Scared

Did I ever tell you I was scared?? Well, now you know. I'm so scared. I want this more than words could ever describe but I also know that sometimes God has different plans for us. My heart believes that those girls should be with us. Every part of me desires to be their mom, but then that little voice in my head keeps reminding me that it might not happen.

I've never met them nor seen what they look like but it doesn't take me long to imagine them. For so long, it seemed as though our plans were for 1 little girl. That was it and then SUPRISE the idea of possibly 2! We never even flinched, we all were in agreement that we could do 2! Somehow, it's not hard to think that God realizes how much love we have waiting for this little one that he might just bless us with 2 little girls! (Atleast that is what my heart feels and believes.

So I cry and I wait and I cry some more. It's hard to surrender and relinquish all control but somehow I find myself just lying in His arms. That's quite comforting, ecspecially when you don't know if the amount of children you have may double! :) So I cry a little bit and then I wipe away the tears and come to the realization that my God has it all figured out. So I can't deny that I'm scared, I bet Sarah was scared when she found out and I bet she really didn't even believe it could be true at first but you know what it happened. I wonder if she stayed up till early morning just wondering...thinking...believeing....